So right when I got home today, my mom felt the need to tell me that her friend had told her that she should kick my dad out of the house. And my mom thought it was fucking great. I wanted to scream at her, but I just left. I got in my car and drove around for about an hour. I wanted to say to her, "Dad has more right to kick your ass out of the house than you do. Too bad he doesn't know it. Maybe I should tell him and we'll see who's fucking laughing." I hate her so much sometimes. I mean, yea...my dad can be a real ass hole sometimes, and he drinks every single night, but he hasn't done anything seriously wrong. He doesn't beat my mom or I when he gets drunk. He doesn't go around cheating on my mom behind her back. So if anyone should be kicked out of this house, it should be my mom. I'd go further into detail about what happened with her over the summer, but I've only told two people about it, and I don't really want anyone else knowing.

I hate Christmas this year. My mom wont shut the hell up about my dad. It pisses me off when she complains about my him to me. The other day, my dad again decided to start shit with me and say, "Why do you hate me?! You wouldn't care if I dropped dead right this second." I didn't even do anything to him or say anything to him in the first place, he just tried to start something. I'm trying to be friends with Karolina, but it's like I don't even matter anymore. Anytime I try talk to her I get, "oh, blahblahblah, I'm busy. I'll talk to you later." But then other times, she'll talk to me and tell me that she misses me and that she feels like we're drifting apart and how she doesn't want to lose me. No shit we're drifting apart. I think I need to prepare myself for not talking to her anymore...because if we keep going the way we're going, we're not gonna be friends for that much longer. So much for believing that "ex's can stay friends."

 Sometimes I wish it could have just never happened.

so much. she's such a bitch. she really needs to stop thinking she's hot shit. she's not. and my parents wonder why i want to go to penn state so bad. it's so i can have legit reasons to never come back.

i'm so screwed for christmas this year. i'm only getting alexis and anuj gifts, because i can't afford to buy any for anybody else. and i feel so bad because a few people every year give me christmas presents and i never have anything to give them in return. =/ i hate being broke. i hate how my dad has two jobs, and my mom has three, and we still can't make ends meet. and yet they still won't let me work because they want to provide for me. i don't know how they're so nice sometimes, and my sister turned out to be such a fugly bitch.

I should just go back to my old way of dealing with everything.

I just got home from Cara's house. It was probably the most fun I've ever had. We decided to drive over to Rachel's house with this drum that her brother found on the side of the road. We got out of my car, took the drum out, opened the doors, and blasted the song "tik tok." Rachel came outside and Cara started dancing while I banged on the drum. Cara did the marching band visuals, from the instruments of time show, ot the song. One of Rachel's neighbors was staring out the window. And after a while, another one came out of his house and started yelling at us. So we threw the drum in the car, and sped off. It was hilarious. Once we got back to Cara's house, I realized that that was the first time I had seen Rachel since she went away to college. But anyway, Rachel loved the "dance" and the marching band visuals that were thrown in. XD I wish we had video taped it. It would've came out amazing.

so today was mad fun. i went iceskating with anuj, joe and sadie. i feel so bad for sadie because joe doesn't know how to be a "good boyfriend" and she gets sad all the time. although i can't blame joe because he's inexperienced in that kind of thing.

oh. and. more importantly.
I GOT ACCEPTED TO RUTGERS ! :D

i knew i'd get in anyway, but it's still exciting to get the whole "you've been accepted" packet. so uhm yeah. nothing else exciting really happened today. except for playing scrabble in spanish and having "sexo" be the first word played rofl. so yeah. i'm gonna head off to bed. goodnight peepzzz! :D

been feeling really anxious and nauseous since last night :\ everytime i take a bite out of anything, i instantly vomit. ><
last day of class was today, finished my test in 15 minutes. managed to get alot of money and finally got my ATM card activated.

i finally have plans for new years with friends for more than a day. Plan on going to philly and partying and whatnot with ppls. last year was fun but awkward at a point.

time to vomit.

so yesterday, we had legit indoor percussion practice, as in we actually had music. it's okay, i kinda like my part. XP but i don't know why deenie was it such a bitchy mood today during 12th period when we started playing mallets. obvs we would've stopped playing once the lesson started. v.v

hmmm... so my brother just told me that my mom told him that we probably weren't going to set up the christmas tree this year. =/ i mean, it's bad enough christmas isn't going to be the same because my sister isn't going to be around, but now no christmas tree?! it's not like it'd be that much of a hassle, we have a fake one up in the attic. it doesn't even feel like it's almost christmas. seriously, i see no point in celebrating christmas anymore. i just really can't wait until christmas is over, just thinking about it is making me tear.

i knew december wasn't going to be a good month...

First "official" indoor practice yesterday night. It went well for the most part. I felt so bad that Ariel was stressing out about the odd meter counting, so I tried to come up with something that would help her out with it. I suggested playing the shooting game in an odd meter feel, and it actually helped a lot. While we were practicing. TJ was having their winter concert in the auditorium. They finished right after we were done practicing, so I decided to go in and see if I could find Mr. Fossa, even though he teaches at Woodrow Wilson now. Ariel and I sat down in the auditorium, and about 2 minutes later, I saw Mr. Fossa walking down towards the stage to talk to Mr. Smith (aka Jeff). So I started screaming "Mr. Fossa!" and he came over to talk to us. I talked to him for a couple minutes, and then he was swarmed by a bunch of TJ kids. They we so....strange. Ariel and I stayed until they all left, and continued talking to him. It made my day. It was nice seeing him again and talking to him for more than a few seconds. He was so surprised when he realized that we were seniors. I'm really glad he remembered me, I was afraid he wouldn't. I don't know why I thought he wouldn't....I mean, I definitely think Keya, Kiki, and I were three of his favorite students when we were in middle school. =) I told him that one day I would randomly show up at Woodrow Wilson like a creeper and come find him.

I think I finally finished my Christmas shopping today. My dad and I went to Bed Bath & Beyond today to buy my mom something. I feel bad that I get all of my friends something for Christmas.=/ I wish I could, but money is so tight now. My mom even started a THIRD job to help pay the bills. She's crazy. o_O

i don't even know what to write. i'm really lame and awkward.

lol at the people that got arrested today for selling drugs. fail. why in the hell would you deal at school? if you were smart, you'd do it somewhere else.

today was pretty kewl. idk. i'm bored. and lame. Ddlfkjsdlfkjs.

maybe i'll have something better to share later.

whether i should get a snake bite or not. any suggestions?

SO BORED.

today was pretty chill. the only fun part of the day was study hall with amanda and charlotte and fiona. we played catch a mouse, elephant master and the shooting game again. i like how that's the only reason i go to school anymore.

so i think i'm sick because i'm exhausted, my nose is stuffy and i just feel like crap. i slept and i was still exhausted. this is not good. oh well.

WHY IS THERE NOTHING ON TV?! tuesdays suck. idk what else to write. i'm boring.